I just don't know anymore, simply put. I'm facing a summer of complexity, of inevitable internal debate. I'm sure external debate will follow as well. I need to decide if I want to talk to my family about John never responding to my letter. I need to decide if and how do I let Alan know how I feel about him.

Days like today I have no emotional stability. Or maybe its a stable discord. I don't know any more. I wish I knew how I felt. I wish I could put words to it, so maybe I'd be able to understand myself better. But all I can do is stare blankly at the wall, computer screen, my hands. I do nothing, and feel it all.